Insecurity Ruining Your Relationship? How To Stop Before It Spirals Out Of Control - mindbodygreen
Insecurities in a relationship can be destructive and a quick way to sabotage potential happiness. They can cause both men and women to. What to do if your own insecurity is ruining your relationships But, when it comes to jealousy in relationships, personal insecurities and. Relationships seemed to magnify my own insecurity issues, and those issues ruined love for me on more than one occasion for so many reasons.
Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting an aeroplane to never make a sound or a movement. Next time you feel insecure, ask yourself what it is you are imagining. Write it down on paper under, 'Stuff I am making up in my head. Which neatly links to Save 2 Avoid the Certainty Trap Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling.
This may sound strange, but feeling that: A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong. Having to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship. The fact is, we all have to live with uncertainty. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved. Wanting what is not possible complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts.
So stop looking for certainty where it doesn't apply. Self-assurance comes from starting to relax with uncertainty.
Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now. Nothing in life is certain. Your relationship needs room to breathe. Schedule in some 'separate time' and just see it for what it is.
Are My Insecurities Ruining Relationships?
The developing flower needing space to grow isn't a sign that it is heading for collapse. If they say one thing don't assume they mean another.
If they say nothing don't assume that their silence is significant, either. Many men relax by not talking. Constantly wondering and asking what someone is thinking is a dead end because even if they do tell, will you believe them anyway? When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts. Constantly asking, "What are you thinking?
Some people do this with whole relationships. Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all. The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards!
5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships
Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly. This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past.
Seek self-assurance Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. What real evidence is there for this fear? And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it.
What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is. Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay. Insecure people look for signs of what's not working.
I want you to look for signs of what is. Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive. No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time.
Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focussing on what is good. This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you.
Emma learned to relax and enjoy her relationship.
Are My Insecurities Ruining Relationships - Beliefnet
She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom.
They can cause both men and women to make some of the biggest relationship mistakes out there. When one partner feels constantly insecure in the solidity of the relationship both partners suffer. And unfortunately it can lead to vicious cycle of suspicions, complaints and reassurance that will sap the energy of both and lead to an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship.
For the person feeling insecure the worry that something somewhere is undermining your relationship can be debilitating. For instance, do any of these apply to you? You need to constantly know exactly where your partner is. You check up on them — looking through their phone, email or calling their work repeatedly.
You accuse your partner of things like not really loving you, cheating on you, or finding others more interesting than you. Any of these behaviors can be a sign of destructive insecurity. These feelings can lead to an unhealthy situation within the relationship. Not only is the person who is feeling insecure not experiencing happiness, but the partner to that person is likely to be suffering as well. Having to routinely reassure someone of your love and commitment can be exhausting.
That imbalance will eventually cause what could have otherwise been a happy relationship to fall apart. What can you do? Insecurity in a relationship is often not a function of the relationship itself.How to calm your relationship insecurities — Susan Winter
Many times the source of these feelings comes from something experienced in the past. These past experiences create a mental framework for how we view all current and future experiences.