How Having A Baby Saved My Marriage | HuffPost Life
Relationship Problems During Pregnancy. My fiancé and I A counselor can help you two learn HOW to better communicate. . I have plans of quitting my job after delivery and plan to save money for my future expenses. Here is some advice If you're thinking of having a baby, but have relationship issues. In truth, having a child can add to relationship fulfillment, but solely when we We end up setting them up to fail, which is far from the bright start most of us yearn to give them. 5 Ways to Spend New Year's Eve When You're Pregnant. You and your partner will dance in the kitchen with soft looks in your eyes. Relationship problems? No way! You've never been more in love.
You don't nurture your relationship the way you know you should The change "We didn't really talk about how things were going to change once we had a baby. Sure, we talked about diapers and day care and discipline and stuff like that. My husband travels for a living, so when he would come home, he would want percent of my attention, but he had to wait or try to talk over a crying baby and, now, chatty toddler.
That was hard for both of us. Mostly our challenges came from not having the time and attention for each other like we did before. So suffice it to say, a lot of stuff simply isn't going to get done. And way below the cutoff is "quality time" with your partner. Everyone will tell you to plan a date night, but you probably won't and if you do, you might not enjoy it because your breasts are uncomfortably engorged or you might be worried about your sitter not knowing how to deal with baby's colic.
How to deal There's something innate that bonds a woman and her baby, but a little time away from baby can do big things for your sanity. Remind yourself that you really should get away, even just for a little bit, and spend time with your partner, just the two of you.
It is good for your relationship.
Relationships after having a baby - NHS
If it's hard now, just keep telling yourself to do it. Over time, it will get easier to tear yourself away from baby. It's also important to openly talk to your partner about your emotional needs. Research shows that the single largest predictor of marital happiness is how you respond to your partner's "emotional calls"—aka your attempts to connect with each other.
Marriage counseling can be a wonderful way to boost that connection and it's not just for unsatisfied couples! Sex has probably become a distant memory The change "Sex was not on the top of our list.
But, at least temporarily, your sex life has probably taken a nosedive. You had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex. And frankly, once you got the go-ahead from your doctor, you may not have actually felt ready to do it yet yes, it may hurt—it won't be torture, but your body's been through a lot, and it will take time to get back to normal.
And definitely don't let it be like this forever—you both could use some good sex, are we right?
Will a Baby Improve Your Relationship?
You love your baby more than your partner The change "Once we had our baby, we were a little distant from each other. It obviously hurt my husband's feelings—we were mostly distant because all I wanted to do was be around the baby. So he made me sit down and he lectured me about how we are still married and our relationship is just as important. But you may not have predicted that, at least for a little while, you would practically forget that your partner exists.
How to deal Try not to let it get in between you. Niceties have gone out the window The change "It has caused a lot of friction between us. We've bickered much more than we used to. I don't want to use the term fight, because to me, that means yelling and feelings being hurt.
We just snap at each other more easily. Need some extra help? They are met at the door with a fussy baby placed in to their arms so moms can finally finish dinner and chores. Dad is wishing he could just have 10 minutes alone to wind down after a full days work.
Mom is just happy to be frying onions and washing dishes.6 Questions that Will Save Your Relationships (by Marc and Angel)
After all, dishes never cry, or poop, or pee on your friend's floor, or bite every carrot in the produce section. Eventually, dads are greeted by a squealing toddler and these days are long forgotten.
One is selfish, one is a martyr Just like sleep, the demand for free time exceeds the supply. You will both feel a little lost, as your involvement in your favourite hobbies can't be as consistent -- or at all.
One will become a martyr and never ask directly for a break or free time, cue some passive aggressive comments on the Facebook wall. One of you will say "baby comes into OUR lives and I won't lose myself. The martyr will say yes and instantly deem the other one selfish but secretly hope they will get the subtle hint that the martyr is in need of a baby-free day didn't they see that groupon I emailed them?!
Either way, free time will come back eventually and you will find new ways to enjoy your hobbies that can involve your kids.
Mom coddles, dad is neglectful Moms worry something could be wrong with the baby from time to time or all the time and dad will nod along in support all the while thinking it is in mom's head. When a mom hears her baby cry her whole body chemistry changes in reaction to it, she has an instinctual need to respond. Dad can turn this switch off and is more likely to let them cry it out. No matter how it pans out you have dad thinking mom overreacts and mom thinking dad is heartless.
As your child grows you will see the beauty of having each other, and balancing each other out. Default to the Baby Blues You have found a new ability to turn every laugh into a cry, aka cry-laughing. Everything will make you tear up: Your only explanation when he comes into a room to find you sobbing into your unwashed sheets will be a string of high-pitched tones that sounds a little like "So tired So his default will be the Baby Blues.
This will not go over well. The waiting game You have heard that sex goes by the wayside after baby. It might not always mean a dry spell but getting back in the sack will be tricky. No matter what type of birth, you are looking at a minimum of six-weeks on standby. Second you will be scared to have sex, and scared not to. Your husband will give you his best empathy each night with secret hopes that his kind side will butter you up. All empathy tapers off eventually, hopefully around the same time Date Night is reinstated.
Help me, but do it how I want! Every mom likes to brag about how helpful the dad is or likes to make side comments about how helpful he is NOT. You will want dad's help with all the tasks filling your day, but you will only want his help in your way. Soon you might hear you own voice correcting how he holds the baby, giving him orders on proper consoling technique or commenting about how nice it would have been if he took out the garbage after doing the dishes.
He is simultaneously plotting ways to regain some foothold on his manhood in the house and doubting his ability to care for his own child.
Your nightly scoreboard The truth is, you will secretly keep score -- of everything. From who got up last night to who changed the last diaper to who did the dishes. You might not talk about it but each day you will mentally sum up the tally. Some couples will make special chore charts. In our house a game of Rock Paper Scissors is all we need to dole out the undesirable chores.
After all, all is fair in Rock Paper Scissors. Oh, the doubt There will be days of doubt. Can I do this? Will it always be like this? Can our marriage handle it?
The laundry list of flaws you have learned about each other is growing.