How to Identify Codependent and Enabling Behaviors
One of the big misconceptions about codependency is that it's simply However, your focus on helping creates an unbalanced relationship leaving can continue for long periods of time in part because you enable them. Learn more about codependency and relationships at Mental Health ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then you are engaged in codependent and enabling behavior: Fictional E. Mail Inquiry: In this fictional E. Mail a.
It prevents growth in the person who is enabled and creates resentment in the enabler. To distinguish enabling behavior and codependency is to understand that co-dependence is a whole spectrum of behaviors of persons who have usually, but not always, suffered from growing up in the family disease of addiction.
There are major areas of dysfunction that describe co-dependence and they are listed here: While it is likely that anyone who is negatively enabling an addict is codependent and anyone who is codependent is probably an enabler, the two terms, enabling behavior and codependency are not interchangeable.
It is more accurate to think of enabling as a behavior that is part of co-dependence.
The main reason to distinguish the difference between enabling behavior and codependency is to stress that co-dependence is much more than enabling a person. It is virtually impossible for a family member to stop enabling the addict without more recovery from their core disease, co-dependence. They need to feel "needed" and useful thus enabling the victim to remain in their unhealthy situation. Most codependent people gain their sense of self worth from their relationship to the needy person or abusive relative.
They feel magnanimous by lavishing all of their time and attention on the other person, never looking at or filling the hole in their personality. Codependent people have difficulty saying no. They do and give even when it is irresponsible to do so.
Codependency Relationships - Codependent
Do you have a child or loved-one who abuses drugs or alcohol and you realize that their request for funds is only going to be used towards financing their bad habit? Is it impossible for you to turn the person down because you just want to be kind and maybe your kindness will make them feel better?
This is a common symptom of the perpetual cycle of codependency and enabling. The way to receive help in these kinds of relationships is to first recognize that there is a problem. The codependent person needs counseling and therapy and should immediately seek help once they have been able to admit that they are in an unhealthy relationship.When Codependency Becomes an Addiction
Learn More About Codependency Now! Godthe Father, sent His only Son to satisfy that judgment for those who believe in Him. Because the addict is a person who has learned the fine art of manipulation to get what he wants, he knows how to convince loved ones to provide the money he needs to make more drug purchased. If it means telling lies the addict has no compunctions about doing so.
How to Identify Codependent and Enabling Behaviors
Enabling occurs because loved ones generously provide money to the addict in the naive hope that no lies are being told and in the hope that it will help him recover. It is amazing how family and spouses blind themselves to the facts about what is really happening.
One of the most tragic examples of enabling behavior I can think of occurred many years ago with people who were, at the time, good friends.
Their adult daughter died of an overdose of Vicodin and alcohol. They had asked me for a referral for their daughter to a therapist because they believed she was depressed. When the death actually occurred I learned that depression was not the issue. Instead, the daughter had a long history of abusing opioid drugs. In actuality, she was seeing a psychiatrist for depression but the daughter and parents kept the drug and alcohol abuse a secret.
When her death occurred the family was overwhelmed with shock, grief and loss. Their secrecy was a classic example of both codependence and enabling behavior. What was even more tragic is that they had no idea of what they were doing. They were in denial about her drug abuse. Denial means that they remained unaware of her using opioids even though it was happening in front of them.
What Can You Do? If you have a loved one who is abusing drugs and alcohol one of the first things you can do is call either Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous and find out where there are meetings for the families of abusers, and begin attending those meetings.
There is not cost and you get to meet with other families who are dealing with the same problem. The purpose of the meetings is to learn form one another how to stop being codependent and how to stop enabling behavior.
Do not provide money or a place to live for the individual who is abusing drugs. Instead, insist that they get themselves into a drug counseling program.
Enabling Behavior and Codependency
Many people need to go through detox before anything else. Detox is done inpatient in a drug rehab program. If necessary and necessity depends on the kind of drug the patient is addicted to, medications are used to ease the process of detox. Then, once detoxed, the patient is referred for drug rehab that can take many months of treatment.