How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship | Mark Manson
Q. Dear Umbra,. I met my boyfriend when I was studying abroad. We're from two different countries and are currently in a long-distance. Now, I need to put it in bold: long-distance relationships seriously suck! I'm not sure how many more times my heart can be torn apart until it finally breaks!”. This is one of the most common long distance relationship problems. . I'm starting to feel smothered but I don't know how to tell them to back.
There are even apps for the long-distance thing. But turned out I hate Skype. I hate that I see myself in the corner of the screen while talking, this is like two of us are facing a mirror and trying to talk. In the last horrible update, I am not even able to switch off the image of me so, I put a piece of paper of this portion of my screen.
If you are aware of how to make it disappear, let me know! Alright, maybe video chat is not that bad, but the push notifications from messengers… My phone has to be on mute otherwise I will be stressed by all the beeps.
I like chatting and messaging but I also like to live the real life. When a message arrives and I see it, I know that someone wants to reach me and is waiting for an answer.
I have to answer right away or, it becomes a liability. And so became the relationship at that time. After we discussed, it was clear that we need to meet more often. This is about priorities. If you put your happiness first you will find the ways. Nowadays we meet every month. Taking a transatlantic flight to spend no more than a week at his place working on my stuff is a norm to me. It may as well be just another working week, the difference is that we spend the week together.
Be open This one is big. It concerns every area of your life. We are all unique. The personality is formed by the situations you experience by the people you meet, by the books you read.
There are no identical people who have identical experiences. We all have our own visions and principles. You believe that the way you approach things is the only way. It can be as small as the refrigerator door. I cannot stand the open refrigerator door, this is something I have since childhood, at that time the issue was about saving money, for me now it is about saving energy and the planet.
My boyfriend is used to open the fridge door and explore the content for eternity. This is my perspective. I said it a couple of times but a habit is a habit. The thing is that I said it only a couple of times whereas I noticed it hundred of times.
At some point, the accumulated irritation exploded. After we talked and came down to the energy, we investigated the matter.
I am in a happy long-distance relationship. How?
I am not the only one obsessed with the fridge door, so we found this discussion. Basically, you waste more energy if you keep the door open longer, but this is a tiny impact. Our happiness brings more positive energy into the world than the closed refrigerator.
Stay open to the fact that your partner has a different background and let the habits be. Well, at least some of them. I had no idea that a long-distance relationship can be so rich.
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We are not at the end of a journey, we will grow and evolve. The lesson I learned so far is that relationship is not about two halves finding each other but about two personalities that question, support and care for each other.
You must be evolving towards something. You must have some cause that unites you at all times. You must both have a converging trajectory at some point on the horizon. Otherwise, you will inevitably drift apart. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship.
Are you hiding something from me? I am the only fun in your life! All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful. Make Communication Optional A lot of long distance couples create rules or expectations that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time.
You can even find some articles online recommending this sort of behavior. You talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to.
And if that means going days without communicating, then so be it. People get busy, after all. Suspenders just wants to play Candy Crush. When you force communication, two things can happen. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever. This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves. Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow.
There is such a thing as overexposure. The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time. The best way to go is to make all communication optional.FLYING FROM DUBLIN TO CALIFORNIA TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND! - LONG DISTANCE
Both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave.
If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. And easier said than done. Especially when plane flights are involved. And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that you two will one day be together and achieve your Happily Ever After TM.
Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless. Remember, love is not enough. You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values and mutual interests. In my second relationship, my girlfriend took a job working in Africa.
Meanwhile, I toiled away in the US with no money trying to get my first internet business off the ground.
Make Your Long Distance Relationship Easy & Fun | Modern Love Long Distance
All hope for making it work was removed from the equation and we soon broke up. My current girlfriend is Brazilian. We began dating while I was living there in