“Commitment-phobia is a fear of committing to a relationship. Perhaps even engaging in one, Relate counsellor Gurpreet Singh explained. They may want a relationship, but they are too scared to make a commitment. Commitment-phobia can also take the form of confusing excitement with anxiety. Commitment phobia, or relationship anxiety, has been studied by various experts . Considered are causes, symptoms, and the remedy.
People with commitment issues come in all shapes and sizes, and their exact dating and relationship behaviors can vary. Some refuse to have any serious or long-term relationships longer than a week or a month, because of their fears.
Others may be able to be involved with one person for a few months, but as the relationship becomes more serious and deeper, their old fears again come to the forefront, driving the person away.
Both men and women can suffer from relationship anxiety and commitment phobia, although traditionally it was thought primarily to be a male problem. The Causes of Commitment Phobia The causes of commitment phobia are as varied as the people who suffer from it. Other common causes of commitment phobia may include: There is help, but a person needs to want to change and find a way to overcome their relationship anxiety.
It cannot be done by others. There are many strategies to help someone with commitment phobia, depending on the severity of the anxiety.
A person will also learn in therapy that open communication with their partner will reduce the likelihood of there being any future surprises or trust issues. Some people with milder commitment issues may benefit from getting support for their concerns through an online support group for relationship issues.
What is Commitment Phobia & Relationship Anxiety?
In short, they discover that there is a need to open their heart and that this is terrifying. The paradox is that running away from love is also frightening. They can more easily be connected to their fantasies than to another real, living, human being, where revealing oneself through actions, words and feelings is required.
Couples typically become emotionally close, move apart and then come together again as they respond to the demands of the real world. It is important to be able to handle connections and disconnections, so that separations are not filled with intense anxiety, jealousy or obsessive longing.Commitment Phobia is the worst
People with commitment issues almost invariably experience difficulty in handling these movements, so that the sense of being connected to another is not held firm. Intimacy is not the same as depth, which often takes years to develop. Each of these eight challenges is best considered with the help of an objective intermediary. A therapist can assist with the emotional exploration required, so that you are learning about yourself in relationship, in the context of a therapeutic relationship.
Commitment Phobia And Relationship Anxiety: Crosses All Lines
The Courage to Stop Blaming Blame masks the truth. We may blame others for not living up to the fantasy partner we had imagined. Ultimately nobody can force us to stay in a relationship. So, at the very least, we are all responsible for the relationships we choose to be in. Change can begin when you are ready to acknowledge your responsibility, be it from walking away from potentially wonderful partners because of your fears, or responsibility for your involvement with commitment phobic partners, and to exploring your self- sabotaging behavior.
The Courage to Say Goodbye To Your Ghosts To enable you to get a clearer idea of who you are and how you behave in a relationship, it is necessary to explore your past history of significant relationships. In the process of creating and sustaining a reality based connection, our hearts and minds will unconsciously revisit all past connections.
These connections influence how we choose our partners and even how we behave with them. Left to our own devices, or with the help of a well-meaning friend, we may explore on an intellectual level, but this will typically be insufficient to dislodge old ways of being. The Courage to Find and Fight for the Self Part of the process of making yourself ready for partnership is building a caring and committed relationship with yourself.
When this relationship is one you truly value and can share with another human being, you are ready to be in relationship with another person. There is a need to learn more about who you are and to be able to accept and stand up for who you are.
Commitment Phobia: Avoiding Intimacy
This may mean risking being unpopular or making your partner angry at times. The Courage to Stay Grounded in Reality It is important to conduct your romantic life intelligently, so that fantasies and intense feelings are balanced with, and tempered by, clear thoughts and self-protective choices. It takes courage and awareness to be present and to observe your relationship realistically as it is evolving.
Some therapists place emphasis on enabling people to be more aware of their processes, particularly those who adopt an insight based line of enquiry.