Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get relationship with loved ones who have borderline or narcissistic. Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality level of a clinical disorder because it significantly interferes with relationships. How is Borderline Personality Disorder Different from Narcissistic Personality and stormy relationships” is, in fact, one of the characterizing symptoms of BPD.
I just wondered which partner in other relationships who was the blamer and rager and which one was like me. You may not know what normal is. You may have grown up in households with unhealthy models—sometimes even abuse. So before talk about the high conflict relationship, let's take a look at what defines a healthy relationship and compare and contrast it with your current relationship.
Of course, no relationship is perfect. But it's helpful to know where you stand and what you're shooting for. Traits of Healthy Relationships A list of what makes for a good relationship could be quite lengthy and might differ from couple to couple. But here are some characteristics mentioned over and over by marital therapists. Ask yourself what's important to you and whether or not your current relationship meets your needs on a scale of 0 not there at all to 5 high. This isn't a quiz; just something for you to think about as you look at the whole relationship.
The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment (Book Review)
In a healthy relationship, couples need to make compromises. But neither partner should ask the other one to change things about themselves central to who they are or what they want out of life.Narcissistic & Borderline: - The Couple; Dance of Dysfunction
Respect is also about treating each other in the way you'd like to be treated, even when you're angry and frustrated. Other signs of respect include caring about the things that are important to your mate and recognizing that differences are OK.
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life
In a healthy relationship, partners are there for each other with warmth and affection through both good times and bad. Even when their opinions differ, supportive spouses try to see things from their partner's point of view. Lachkar provides case examples that each partner of the dyad must be assured of entitlement to his or her own subjective experience. The formation of healthy object ties provides for both the narcissist and the borderline a vital function and is not to be confused with fusion or immersion.
Often such individuals who are partners in couples turn to the wrong self-objects, keeping the partners in a circle, reinforcing their delusions, boredom, confusion, anxiety, dullness, and emptiness. While I suggest that both internal and external object function are vital, it needs to be emphasized that both need to be explored in light of these two specific disorders p. She makes it clear that these personality disorders are not necessarily discrete and that each individual may show a tendency towards a behavior while exhibiting certain vulnerability.
In her attempt to describe the bonds and binds that attract such individuals together, she simplifies the descriptors and describes the basic characteristics of each partner as components of events that perpetuate the circular, never-ending quality of the conflict.
According to Lachkar, the borderline is the one who searches for those with whom to bond. When the promise of that bond is threatened, the borderline responds with blame and attack as primary defenses. Conversely, the narcissist tends to withdraw, becomes easily injured and fears becoming ordinary. The narcissist is constantly searching for others to confirm feelings of entitlement and is constantly seeking approval.
Lachkar points out throughout the book that even though these behaviors cause much pain, they are not purposefully enacted but are a replay or a reenactment of early primitive infantile longings. According to the author, these personalities function in the constant hope that these infantile longings, yearnings and wishes that are being expressed will somehow result in a happy ending and they replay it repeatedly hoping that the ending will be different.
The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple (Book Review)
Lachkar paraphrases Bion when she observes that unfortunately, couples who rely heavily upon magical thinking and repetitive behaviors never learn from experience because conflict is not resolved through repetition. I feel dizzy and confused. It is also important to note that women are more likely than men to be diagnosed as borderline, while men are more likely to be diagnosed as narcissists, which may be due to a bias driven by cultural stereotypes.
Thus, neither disorder should be presumed as something that is gender-specific: Additionally, while this article focuses on abusive behavior, not all borderlines or narcissists may be abusive. Depending on where they fall on the spectrum of their respective disorders as well as their responsiveness to treatment, individual cases may vary from the listed traits and behaviors.
While both borderlines and narcissists can pose harm to their loved ones through potential emotional and verbal abuse, individuals with BPD are more likely to self-harm as a cry for help.
On the other hand, those with NPD or narcissistic traits often harm others through methods such as gaslighting, triangulation, and sabotage as a way to bolster their grandiose image and false sense of superiority. While borderlines have an intense fear of abandonment, a hallmark of their disorder, narcissists are often the ones doing the abandoning.
Borderlines may engage in chronic manipulation of their loved ones using jealousy, control or threats to avoid abandonment only to heighten the risk of being abandoned due to clingy, needy or controlling behaviors.
Narcissists manipulate by devaluing and discarding their victims to humiliate and control them. This includes covertly and overtly putting their victims down, subjecting them to stonewalling, emotionally withdrawing from them and invalidating them, as well as abandoning their loved ones without giving them any sense of closure or explanation.
Borderlines and narcissists share the intense experience of feeling and demonstrating an immense amount of rage. Borderlines have a wider emotional range than narcissists do, though they experience a similar sense of chronic emptiness and void as narcissists.
Borderlines can in fact feel intense, loving feelings for their friends, family and relationship partners; the problem is, they tend to also devalue and manipulate those loved ones due to their rapidly shifting emotions and distorted sense of identity.
When they are not being their usual charming selves, narcissists tend to display flat affect, feel a sense of emotional numbness and experience perpetual boredom, which causes them to be on the lookout for new supply people that can provide them with validation, praise and admiration.
Their most intense emotions tend to be envy and rage. Narcissists also engage in something similar to splitting known as idealization and devaluation, where they are prone to putting their loved ones on a pedestal, only to swiftly knock them off.