Long-distance relationships | Romantic relationships | ReachOut Australia
Moving for long distance love I'm not the only one uprooting my life for a relationship: Nearly half of toyear-old For me, the hour time difference between the U.S. and Down Under makes casual phone calls to. Do you have any advice of maintaining long distance relationships when travelling? Or an experience of your own you'd like to share? Tell us. For most of human history, long-distance relationships have been impossible to Internet culture has a way of bringing out the egotist in us all.
And pick up any Jane Austen novel and the notion of being apart from a loved one runs rampant. Take wartime, hardships and long working hours with loads of travel and a long-distance relationship is more common than we think.
But as sex and relationship advice columnist Mariella Frostrup wrote in the UK Observer Magazine ; "A long-distance love affair is the equivalent of signing up for a year's worth of dirty weekends. A lot of effort, some passionate interludes and not much to show for it apart from a healthy balance of air miles.
Their blokes are avid readers of this blog and might stray in their absence. Can long distance relationships really work?
Posted by March 21, Long distance relationships also did not work for me. I use to drive over two hours to see my gf. I was too tired when I got there to enjoy her company. She couldn't drive, so I had to do all the driving.
Now I only live ten minutes from my current gf. I have tried emailing "friends" over in US. The interest fades very quickly. Good luck to those who can make it work. I am happy for you. Distance got the better of me. I would say that such relationships are really 'test' to the strength of your love.
Coming clean: Long Distance Relationships | From America to Australia, and back again!
If you really love someone, regardless of the distance, it would make you stronger but if you're not really sure, it is bound to collapse Anne-Marine on March 22, It is a half life and a half relationship, even if it is very powerful. Don Mateo on March 22, I've been working overseas for 8 months and will be returning to Sydney shortly.
Sure if I wanted to I could sleep with the women here, but I'd never think of doing that to my fiance. What's wrong with modern couples these days? I feel sorry for the feminists you feel empowered by sleeping around - your just cheapening yourselves and us men have zero respect for you.
Integrity on March 22, 1: You need to know that both parties are putting in as much effort as each other. I also think it requires a definite 'contract' as to when the long-distance will end, is it for a year, or for 2 years, or 'until I get there It makes it hard and you will start to doubt if it's worth it.
I thought I'd include an obligatory blokey quote from a friend of mine: Although i did not have a girl friend when i left i have been pretty much constantly emailing and texting a number of friends back home. No matter how busy i get i think that i have to make the effort to keep the contact going.
Sad as it may be i think you just have to hit the reality button and hope that if you are still into each other when you or the significant other returns that it may work out. Who really knows what's round the corner anyway! Pedro on March 22, 2: She lives in Cairns and I'm in Georgia in the States. Timing has kept us apart for this long, but we've soldiered thru it and it looks like we'll finally be together late this year. I've known her for over ten years, but timing just worked out so that we could give this a go and I'm happier than ever.
I spent a month with her in and she came here and spent Christmas and early January with me and my family. It takes a lot of trust and dedication to make a relationship like this work, but when you know it's your soulmate on the other side, it's really a piece of cake. Greg on March 22, 2: Whilst the distance is hard, I have never met anybody locally who even comes close. People often don't recognise the good side of long distance relationships - plenty of time with friends, you keep your own sense of self, lounge about the house in your pyjamas, able to work long hours when required Despite all this, nothing beats the feeling of waking up next to him every morning when we're together.
Miss Dynamite on March 22, 3: I have had a relationship with someone in South Africa I live in Sydney that lasted 2 years. My current relationship 6 years and still as strong as ever lasted a period of more than 2 years living in different states. Lust doesn't last long distance. Radman on March 22, 4: I am currently in a long distance relationship? I am living and working in London while he is back home in Canberra.
We met two months before I left on my trip now four months ago? Of course that didn? The night I met my boyfriend, I was at the stage where I was looking forward to my trip? We saw each other in a bar yes, I know? I moved in with him after a week, and I have to say that I have never ever felt for someone before what I feel for him. So what to do? In the red corner, we have the nay sayers and the doubting Thomas?
I mentioned my great aunt and uncle in my comments on yesterdays post on marriage, and how they? So there you go. The proof is in the pudding. Of course it is hard? You just have to believe it can be done. And have the commitment to make it happen. And I definitely do Posted by: I met my Belgian girlfriend by accident on a website in and now five years later, am living with her in Belgium.
However intially it was not easy. Massive phone bills, different timezones and lingering doubts about is it worth it etc However, I'm happy to say, it is worth the pain, the separation at times.
I was working in Sydney, she in Belgium, when we met. I spent eight months in Australia, she came here for the same. That is how it has been for the past six years. Back and fourth etc. Now at me 26 and her 25, we are planning to settle back in Australia for good in September. I do have some tips though Be fair to your partner. Get a decent phone, msn messenger, floriad the international flower service and a whole lot of patience ready.
If you truly love someone However, it's not for everyone, so consider what you each want when your sitting in different countries, states, or cities wondering if it is all worth it. Just my two cents. I was a student at the time so was he and so had to scramble for every cent to save in order to go and see him, and him me. Who cares if it 'lasts' or not, it was a crazy and beautiful thing!
You never feel as loved as when someone flys one and a half days to be with you.
10 tips for surviving a long distance relationship
Jessica on March 22, 6: Most people - understandably - need to have the proximity to make a relationship work. It is very hard to keep the romance, kinship and excitement going over a phone line or over the internet. I have tried twice and wont again.
Simply too hard and demanding on the psyche. If you meet someone where distance is an issue. One of you or the other has to move. It really is as simple as that Posted by: Stuart on March 22, 6: But the distance eventually got the best of me, and I broke off the relationship. We are both older and I knew being together full time on the same continent would likely not happen. So I let him go to find happiness, and to try to find a life without him as well.
We are still good friends,we still communicate over the big pond. But it's been hard to get over him. I don't suggest anyone get involved in an inter-continental relationship.
My heart is still breaking Cindy Baker on March 22, 6: Over the years, I have met a number of people say at work or whatever who say they are in a 'long distance relationship'. Then you see them at a function, they get drunk and get onto some random person. And the women are the worst! Still, there is some upside: Matt L on March 22, 6: Usually when one person moves, there are promises of keeping in touch, declarations of "I will miss you - wish you weren't going A month down the track will certainly sort out, how potent the 'missing you' factor is.
CB on March 22, 6: The question is, how much? Well, I think it comes down to a lot of things, the people involved, the relationship, the distance being the obvious ones. If you have distance where you can commute or have holidays every so often, then it mightn't be so bad. And obviously every couple is different with how they cope with distance. I'm sure how long you've been in a relationship before you make it long distance, or the level of commitment you make before it goes that way makes a huge difference to your attitude.
I can tell the story of a man who married his bride overseas, came to Australia soon afterwards and spent 5 years here without her, sending money back to her so he could eventually afford to bring her over here I know that I went out with someone but within a few months of our going out I knew there was a "possibility" of him going overseas, within the next few months he said he was definitely going overseas and it would be for at least several years, perhaps his whole life.
We spent the remaining months together, and I really enjoyed his company, but because we'd known early on there wasn't going to be a long-lasting relationship, we didn't realistically didn't make that commitment to each other, and while we're friends, we aren't 'together'.
On the other hand, a similar thing happened to my friend, but she was with her boyfriend for 4 years before he had a posting overseas I don't know if it will survive, but she is definitely putting in more work and trying to keep it alive.
So there's not a hard and fast rule, I think sometimes yes, sometimes no, will depend on the relationship, the people, the distance, etc. Maria on March 22, 7: My wife is originally from overseas, and we married in her country. But that airport greeting!!!!! With all the calling cards available these days the phone is quite cheap. And there is always the art of letter writing. Email, though instant, just ain't the same It's the heart that counts-if you are faint hearted or completely sex driven then a long distance love is not for you.
I ended up getting my friend to pick her up instead and say that I was at work. My heart was shattered. I will never ever have a long distance relationship again. As such I have developed the following rules to live by: Even your best mate. While your friends may say they are loyal you never know what they will do. After a few drinks. This is ever truer. I email my current girlfriend all day long to make sure she is at her desk.
That will soften the blow. I hope this helps others. I didn't and I still regret it. Personally I won't go down that road ever again, but I'd think to think that others may have better experiences that I did. Mikey R on March 22, 7: I've been involved in transcontinental and intercontinental long distance relationships, and the only one that worked was the last one. Any more time apart than that, and it's not a relationship. BSDetective on March 22, 7: I will be surprised if your behaviour will not change when you get back to your so called boyfriend back home.
What then will be looking for anudder one on the side? Won't be so long-distance, I bet! Brudder Andrusha on March 22, 7: Never again, thats it for me. But after his divorce from his African wife, he said he didn't have it in him to do another long distance relationship again. Even though I am a different woman bringing a different set of values and love to the relationship. He wanted lust and not love during his stay and I wanted friendship, love and more.
I was willing but this bloke wasn't so I let go and decided to remain aquaintances with him and find someone closer. We still chat from time to time, but like many have stated both parties must be willing to give it a go. Goodluck to those who do and can, maybe you can show the rest of us how to do it. Florida Queen on March 22, 7: I met my fiance when she was in Oz on holiday and 2 months after I followed her back. I just find my love for her grows each day and we're getting married next year.
Trevor on March 22, 8: As has no doubt already been said, making it work sorts out those who are truly in love from those who are in lust. You people can't discourage me! I am going for it! Sydney, here I come. S Integrity - you are a true twat, and have obviously no clue what feminism is all about. Or are men who sleeps around feminists too? It is hardly a gender thing, at least hopefully not in Australia.
Skywalker on March 22, 8: It is very different when you can fly in and see each other every so often. It is very different when you have modern technology, and flower services, and also a hope of seeing each other within the next year I mean, I know a woman who has over 30 years in a relationship where her husband only sees her about 5 times a year, and maybe only for four or five days at a time at that, the marriage still goes on strong I think it is OK if you think "in a few years time, or even maybe in ten years time we may be able to live together, but if you thought you would spend the rest of your life long distance, I doubt most couples would hack it, realistically, I think most people would say "Our lifestyles are just too different.
Maria on March 22, 8: I am sure that your consistent words of wisdom have touched many people. You calm the waters when others have become rather heated in their discussion. You make this blog credible. Sam, give her a raise. If you are looking for no problems, a steady relationship and everything to be 'hunky dory' over extended periods of absence, well SNT on March 22, 8: If you don't trust your girlfriend then move on and find someone you can trust. Even if you dont trust your mates you should have enough faith in your girl to know she will do the right thing by you.
Some work, some don't. It's all a matter of how devoted you are to that person and how committed you are to making the relationship work.
I returned to Sydney at the beginning of the year and now we live happily together. It can work, if you really love each other, keep in touch, and have a dedicated personality to not "stray" Miss Yes on March 22, 8: I don't see what is wrong with having rules to protect yourself from emtional harm. JohnnyBGoode on March 22, 8: Jealously was a problem in her last relationship and because we keep tabs on one another we have never had an argument about the issue.
We saw each other quite often, and it worked quite well and we trusted each other. Then she moved back for a while, and I got an opportunity to work in London for 9 months. This however didn't work. I don't know if it was the fact we never got to see each other, but we grew apart and on my return we decided to go our seperate ways.
I don't think it was the lack of contact that helped end it, but more the fact that we did our own things until we liked having our own space and ideas. When I returned from London, our relationship just didn't feel right. We had become different people. I never cheated on her both when she was in Melbourne, or when I was in London, and I have never asked if she had, but I guess we just grew apart. I wasn't upset with the break-up. It was just one of those things that happen.
The Sydney Morning Herald Blogs: Ask Sam
Tom on March 22, 8: He lived in Canberra during the week and came home on the weekends. In the begining everytime he would leave to go back I would cry and beg him stay and we would speak to eachother at least twice a day. Months past and then it'd be days before I spoke to him and he'd stay down there for weeks at a time.
When he did come home it would just be awkward. We had gotten used to living without eachother and he was basically living the single mans life while I was left to work my job and raise our child. Needless to say we both ending up cheating on each other and broke up at the end of last year 2 weeks before I was due to move down there Long distant relationships do not work, and if I am ever put in that situation again, one of us will be moving early on in the relationship.
My boyfriend has been over seas for 2 months now I know its not the longest time Deciding that he is the one for me Its just really really hard to be away from the person you most want to be with! That being said, i dont think i could cope if it was any longer AS DOES meeting him in spain for a 6 week jaunt through spain, france and italy before he comes home - yey!!
Did i say yey! So we talk every night, and i plan our holiday and work extra hours to pay for the trip Corinne on March 22, 8: That's as much of a long distance relationship as I'm prepared to have.
I visit her once a month and the harbour bridge tolls are a killer. I told her if she wants to see me more often she will need to catch the bus. Before we hooked up I also made doubly sure that we were both on the same vodaphone plan. I didn't want any nasty surprises at month's end. Good on your Miss Yes!!! If you can do 3 years!!!! Than i can certainly make another 4 months!! I thought I were committed She thought she was too.
One year and the attraction fades out. She found another beau.
I was made aware of it. We still are friends. So it turned out to be a 'fling' But then we were only young. Mr H on March 22, 8: Think of all those people who are in, say, the armed forces.
If you have the relationship to begin with and it's built on solid ground so to speak, it should be tough to break. Having said that, some people just cannot stand being away from their loved one and so the relationship crumbles.
Many a long distance relationship works, many don't. You really cannot judge without being in the situation. You will reach a point where the distance becomes an unbearable barrier, so either somebody is going to have to relocate maybe even both of you or the relationship will go nowhere no pun intended. Bear in mind what you're asking of the person who is going to move. The things they will have to give up may include a job, close contact with friends and family, a home, and most of their possessions.
That will leave an awfully big gap in their life, and you had better have some idea of how to fill it. The internet has made it easier to maintain a long-distance relationship, but I would counsel against starting one there. You can certainly meet some great friends online, and one might turn out to be a great partner, but that's a decision you can't really make until you meet.
There's been plenty of success stories, but a lot more tales of tragedy. Even the best intentioned will present their good side. If you talk to somebody enough you can get to know quite a bit about them, but it's easy to assume you know more than you do, and rush into things as a result. You need to meet the person to see the whole package. Seeing how your potential partner treats the waiter can tell you a lot about the type of person they really are.
That said, a long distance relationship can work. It did for my wife and me. Dave Campbell on March 22, 8: You liked the anonimity of the email - you kept it up for two years.
Give them the benefit of the doubt! Someone having to stay late at work or falling asleep before they could call the other person, should never be reasons for a fight. This especially gets hard when one person is busier than the other. If this is the case, it is important for the busy person to reach out to the other whenever possible. And as for the not-as-busy person, reconnecting with old friends or picking up new hobbies can be great ways to help fill the time.
Small gestures can make a big impact Even if you can keep in contact on a regular basis, send surprise text messages or emails too! See something on your travels that reminded you of them? Mail it to them with a nice handwritten letter. By making small gestures like these, you help keep the romance alive, so go get creative!
Watch a movie or your favorite TV show over Skype, play a game online, or share funny links and YouTube videos with each other. There are plenty of activities you can still do together if you think hard enough. If your partner is going through a hard time, you still need to be there for them, even if it means staying up all night talking them through it on the phone.
Focus on the positive Before you get yourself into a LDR, you need to be realistic of the difficulties that lay ahead. Every relationship will have highs and lows, even those in a non-LDR. Always try to focus on the highs!
Plan time to see each other Although this may not be practical for someone who will only be in a LDR for a few months, try to plan a time to see each other.
I was lucky enough to be able to meet Johnny in Hong Kong during my time in Japan. Do you have any advice of maintaining long distance relationships when travelling? Or an experience of your own you'd like to share?